Whilst in Africa....

I was telling my boss this story the other day at work and it reminded me of some of the stupid things I had done as a teenager.

During year 12 in high school, I had about four assignments due in the same week.
I wasn't really into doing school work and much preferred spending my time playing guitar or sleeping.
One of my assignments was an essay on cultural differences around the world, and since I didn't really care much about the mark I was getting, I was sure I could find a pre written essay on the internet that would be close enough to the topic to get me by.
After about an hour of scanning the web, I came across an essay on the differences between tribal African and modern western cultures.
Fantastic!!
I read the first paragraph and was pretty stoked on how relevant it was to the topic.

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A week later my teacher approached me in class with a big smile.

"Sarah, the head teacher of the department has just finished marking your essay and he would love to talk to you about it!"

So, off I went to the staff room.
Knocked on the door.
Asked to speak with the head teacher.


"Sarah!" He exclaimed, looking overjoyed.
"I've just read your essay! I am very impressed"

"Really?" I asked.

"Really!" He replied. "I can't believe the extent you went to, to gather all of this information!"

"Oh, it wasn't too much." I said modestly while trying to hold back my massive grin.

"No, no... Please let me read the part that really caught my eye!


Ahem...  'Whilst in Africa, I noticed that the tribesmen....'  " 


...


"So, you went to Africa, Sarah?"


"Uhmmm....         no."

"No?"

"...no"

"May I suggest, next assignment, give it a proof read before handing it in?"

"Yeah, that's a pretty good idea."

Don't mind me. Just taking notes.

Election day

Your Lord and Master

So, when I was eighteen I decided/realised that I was God. 

Not in the God-of-my-own-destiny kind of way, but in the I-am-your-lord-and-savior-you-better-start-worshippin' kind of way.

I started on my plan for a new religion and made sure that my title was set in concrete - or rather, tattooed on the back of my neck.

Needless to say, once I came to terms with the general population's apathy/skepticism, I lost interest and the whole scheme fell to pieces.

Except for one part.

The tattoo on the back of my neck.

That didn't go anywhere.

So now when my hair is up, it gives people the impression that I am religious.

Not just religious, but one of those hard core, christian, douche bags, who plays in a christian metal band and carries on about how "X-treme" their love is for the lord. 

If I could go back in time, I would find my eighteen year old self and punch me in the back of the head.

COMPETITION!!

If you can think of a design to transform my stupid mistake into something I'm no longer ashamed of, you will win my gratitude forever!! 

(the best I can do is to put "I am not religious" and a little arrow above it. But there's really no wit or imagination in that)

So, come on folks!  Design me something awesome!!

Michael McCormack wants my vote

I received a letter in the mail yesterday from my local National Party candidate, Michael McCormack.
He wanted to let me know that he cares about the local youth.
He was a local youth once and his daughter is one now.
He says that if I vote for him, he'll fight for what I want.


Do you know what I want, Mr McCormack?
I want a local member who doesn't have a history of using their journalistic freedom to publish homophobic rants.

So, does that mean that if I vote for you, you will make sure people like that don't become my voice in the House of Representatives?

I hope so.

But, I don't think so.

My Campaign Promise to You

Hi, my name is Sarah Miller and this election I am making you a promise.

A promise that I promise to keep.

A promise for the benefit of all Australians.

This election, your vote counts and that is why I make this promise. 

If this August the 21st you walk into a voting booth and choose to vote The Family First Party, 

I promise that I will think of you as a dumb arse until the end of my days.

I will call you a dumb arse.

I will tell your friends and family that you are a dumb arse.

And I will more than likely throw up a little bit in my mouth to think that I know such a dumb arse.

So, come on Australia!

Do your country a favour  - Don't be a dumb arse!

You're better than that!

A vote for Family First is a vote toward stupidity

Birds make great pets

Have you ever wanted to keep a bird as a pet?

Well you should! They're just great!

Why are they great?

Well, I've made you a list:

1. They're placid, gentle creatures.

2. They're quiet and generally keep to themselves

3. They don't eat a lot.

 4. Self cleaning. Low maintenance. 

Now that I've shown you the benefits of having a bird, I imagine that you would just love to own one right away.

That's great!

 

I HAVE A FREEKIN' COLD

I didn't realise the caps lock was until after I wrote the title.

But, yes, its true, I have a cold.

I've had it for five days now and it doesn't seem to want to go away.

It's very difficult to explain what I feel like when I have a cold, so I have decided to draw pictures to demonstrate:

Me without a cold

Me with a cold: