Saturday

I could get used to this...

Brothers in Love pt.II

I visited my nan today. My mum and brother, Adam were over visiting also.
I asked mum if she'd read my blog recently and brought up the "books in the bedroom" story, to which she replied:
"Oh, I was pretty certain that Kane was gay well before the books."

To anyone who may feel as though my mother "suffered" (hehehe...) during our adolescence, don't be, because believe me, she gave as good as she got!
Today, a particular story was brought up that reminded me of this.

Back when I was probably about 15, I went to grab some groceries with mum.
I can't exactly remember what she did for me to say this, but on our way out of the shop, I laughed and called her a "retard".
Next thing I heard the grocery bags drop. She had thrown her self to the ground. When I turned to see what had happened she started flailing her arms and legs, calling out "Helwp me, Sairwahh!!  HELWWWP!!"
I tried to pull her up, but she wouldn't stop.
"Oh my god, Mum!! stop it!!"
"Sairwahhh!!!"
"Stop it, Mum, everyone's looking!"
"Stop hurting me, Sairwaah!!!"

I left her there and stormed off to the car.
She got up, brushed herself off, picked up the groceries like nothing had happened and we went home.

Mum and Rob were pretty gifted when it came to embarrassing us and we pretty good at... uhmm... making their lives interesting.

(One day I'll tell the "Pantry Man" story)

Brothers in Love

At one point or another during our adolescence, my brothers (on my mother's side) and myself had received the "I don't care if you're gay, I'll still be proud of you" speech from my mother.
(Actually, come to think of it, I believe I given this speech more than once.)
The speech never came out of no where, we could always predict when it was on its way.
The signs were pretty obvious.
It would start with mum asking one of us if they'd noticed anything about the other

then she'd start taking interest in who we were hanging around

 then she would start snooping around for evidence.

...and would sometimes find other things...

As a teenager, my brother, Kane was very close to his best friend, Doug.
Kane and Doug did everything together...

Watched soccer together

Watched cricket together

Watched Bruce Lee movies together

In fact, they even played "The Sims" together. When they played The Sims, the first thing they would do after creating their characters, was to make their characters fall in love.When asked about this, Kane would respond "We're not gay. We're brothers in love!"


During this time I used to go to the pub quite a bit. The particular pub I went to was across the road from an adult shop. Every Thursday afternoon, after class, my drinking friends would put together their spare change, pick a theme and I'd be sent across the road to find an "adult" object befitting the theme. This was called "The Risque Run". One particular Risque Run, I was given the colour purple as my theme. The only affordable item I could find was a stack of 30 year old, man-on-man fantasy novels with purple covers decorated with sketches of buff dudes with MASSIVE penises, with titles like "Loves Second Cumming". So I took them back to the pub and we had a bit of a read.
A few weeks later, Kane expressed concern that Mum may be questioning his sexuality.
We both decided that maybe we should just let her think that.

The next family visit, I took the "Risque Run" books with me and Kane and I "hid" them through his bedroom. (I especially liked the one under the pillow - nice touch, Kane)

As you would imagine, the plan worked, and from what I can remember, when confronted, Kane gave Mum a bit of a "serves you right" response.
I didn't hear much more about it after that... well, until Adam was a teenager. (Mum didn't have to do much snooping with Adam. Referring to other boys as "sexy" kinda sealed that deal for a while.)

As for the books, I visited one afternoon, not long after, to find Kane and his girlfriend, sitting back, reading them aloud to one another.

Yes. Kane had a girlfriend. Apparently that didn't weigh too heavily on Mum's gay-or-not-gay scales.

Thursday nights

...are usually a terrible time to work as not a lot of people go clothes shopping after 7pm and I can only clean and restock so much.
Last night though...

I received flowers, mutherfuckers!

Blogs to come

Alright. I should really go to bed now, I'm opening the shop in the morning and I need to be there a half hour early so I can drink coffee on the bench out the front and stare at traffic. It's becoming a ritual.

Now, I know I've just been blogging crap lately (pfffft. Just lately?) but that's because I've had a lot of uni work to catch up on and I couldn't justify drawing when I should be studying - even really terrible drawings.
During this time I have had one hundred and one ideas for things I would like to blog about, so over the next few weeks you should see more terrible drawings and stupid stories.
Stories will include:

• My paternal grandfather is weird
• How I imagine my solo trip to dad's house this weekend is going to go down
• Embarrassing moment at the news agency last Thursday
• The tale of the "Disobedient Falcon"
• How much I hate Jon Bon Jovi
• Why I should be a Photoshop tutor (for people who like their tutorials rushed and with swearing and who don't wish to learn anything)

Okay. Looking forward to writing those.
I'm going to bed now.

Awww...

< sad face > I'm very lonely this evening < / sad face >




Update: Suni and Damian had only gone to the shop, not out for the night. Suni is making a beautiful dinner with roasted chestnuts, Damian poured us all glasses of wine with hibiscus flowers and I made caramel popcorn. 
So, stop your sooking, Sarah and listen to some Devin Townsend Project: 

P.S - Thank you, Zen, for introducing me to this. You're right. This album is pretty awesome.

Sarah! Stop blogging and finish your essay!

Shut up. It's lunch time.
(Suni's 70 year old microwave is unbelievable! New microwaves don't even compare!)

So, I'm in the middle of my essay on consumption (Economic consumption. Not tuberculosis.) and I'm getting a bit shitted off with having to back up every point I make.
Now, I am aware of the importance of showing support for my statements, I just don't feel like it's always necessary. Maybe I need to stop assuming that every point I bring up is obvious to everyone and just get on with it.
On the other hand, I would like to think some day in the distant future, students will be quoting from me in their essays:

...in western societies today, we find the individual attempting to construct an identity through the products that they purchase, aspiring toward the luxurious lifestyles seen on television and in magazines. This is because "people are dumb-arses, myself included" (S. Miller, 2015, pg. 23).

Whelp. Better get back to it.

I have a particularly humorous/embarrassing story from this morning I would like to tell, but it needs poorly drawn pictures. I've promised myself that I wont tell that story until my essay is finished, so expect that some time in the future.

Bye.

Locked in Wednesday

I have an essay to complete and promised that I would finish it tomorrow.
Suni has told me that she will be bolting all the doors when her and Damian leave in the morning so that I can't leave the house and have to finish it.
I'm sure I wouldn't mind any interruptions, though.

Yessss!

Found Kane's blog 

Starting Now!

I have three days off.
Three full days in a row.
It's been a very long time.

Saturday Afternoon Screen Printing

Drawing my t-shirt design.  An appropriation of René Magritte's 

“The Treachery of Images (This Is Not a Pipe)” 

Suni cutting her "Nibbler Paw" design

My half cut design

Suni's shirt ready to be painted

My shirt ready to be painted

Suni's finished "Nibbler Paw" shirt

My finished Magritte/Mario shirt 

Sarah, it's 1am. You have work in 10hrs. Go to bed.

I'm currently in the middle of what could be, what I would consider, my best ever illustration.
Now looking at it, I don't think I could bring myself show it to anyone because it contains imagery that I would wouldn't want the people I know to see, and its concept is something I'd rather not have to explain.

Way to go, idiot.
Now it will just sit and rot in a folder.

Fffffffff........

Me: What did you think of the cardigan?

Customer: I don't even know why I come in here! How do you manage to sell anything?!

You give your tops the most ridiculous arms! They're stupidly long!

Why would anyone want to wear a top like that?! It looks hideous!

What makes you think people are going to buy something like that?

Tell me why! Why do you make the arms so long?!

Well, lady, while I was sitting there, personally designing and sewing all the clothes for Brown Sugar Australia, I thought to my self, "Gee, I think the women of today need a longer sleeve! I can't imagine any woman would want to be able to use their hands. I will make them a spastically long sleeve and they will buy my tops and I will make a million dollars!". 

No.

One style of cardigan has a long sleeve.

It was designed to be folded back.

Also, did you know that some women have longer arms than others?

It's true.

It's also much easier for a shorter armed woman to roll back a sleeve than a longer armed woman to add extra fabric.

Did you also know that I, personally, do not design and manufacture the items that we sell?

If I did, I would probably be just a little too busy to give a crap whether or not you liked the item that you tried on. 

As much as I would like to be, I'm just not that talented.

If you like the cardigan but do not like the sleeve length, I can recommend a seamstress to make alterations for you.

In fact, the four of us here all know how to sew and two of the women here are qualified seamstresses. 

We could, and on occasion, do, make those sorts of alterations.

If you would like to make suggestions to the company on how you would prefer the sleeve length of a cardigan, I am more than happy to help you get your message to them.

If not...

Go. Somewhere. Else.

And this has been the latest installment of....

Chocolate and Rainbow Gradient

To my dearest Lady-who-serves-me-at-Brumby's,

                                                                              For almost twelve months now, you have provided me with excellent service. From your welcoming smile to your knowledge of where to locate nutritional information. 
I write to you this evening to inform you that at 1:55pm today, you broke my heart. 
Over the time I have visited your store, I have been served by a large number of clueless children. I have shrugged off their lack of product knowledge (even the time I was told that there was no Pane Di Casa left, when I could clearly see at least four), knowing that the next time I visit the store, I can rely on you to give me what I'm looking for. 
Today's visit, I just asked for something small, like a hot cross bun. You asked what kind I would like. I said "Just a traditional". You asked if I had tried a flavored one with chocolate. I told you that I'm not fussed on chocolate. You suggested I try an orange bun, just for something new. I thought "Why not." and took it back to work.
At work I took a bite.
It didn't taste like orange hot cross bun.
It tasted like betrayal!
The bun was laced with chocolate buds!!
I said that I wasn't fussed on chocolate!
Why would you offer me something that I just expressed disinterest in?!
I thought we had a good thing going!
I thought that there was an unspoken Sales-People-Who-Know-Their-Product bond going on!
Why would you do this to me?!
Things are never going to be the same. 
I'm never going to be able to trust your opinion again!
I wont be asking for your advice in the future.


I'm sorry things had to end this way.


      Sarah


Well, I had a pretty shit house day up until 3:30pm, today. The chocolate in the bun was really the icing on the cake.
Luckily, though, I was saved by Rory.


Dear Rory,


Thank you for taking me out for coffee. 
Laughing about shit design/Jam Media really brightened my day!
"Comic Sans isn't even a font..." was one of the funniest lines I've heard in ages. 
I really wish you would write a design blog!
Next time is my shout,


   Sarah

Oh, and while I'm here, one more letter to  a little someone who walked past yesterday.

Dear Clint,

I'm sorry I called you "Pascoe's Bitch".

Please stop looking at me in sad-face.

I still stand by what I wrote, even if I was a tad inebriated.

Don't get upset. Prove me wrong.

Lots of Lovc

Sarah

Queen B

So, I didn't get around to answering the Theme song question, myself.
If I could make any song my theme song, it would be:

Queen B - Puscifer

(I didn't put a link to the official clip because of how unimpressed I am with it. The idea is there, it's just executed poorly - The imagery is very Maynard, though)

I certainly don't view my self as the woman he's humming about, but it's just such a sexy song, I would just love to play it every day.

Funnily enough, the other night at the bottle shop, I came across this:

Queen Bee - Baily & Baily 

It's a desert wine called Queen Bee. I'm pretty sure it was created especially for consumption by me as it is both delicious and in my price range.

So, ummm... yeah. That's the story about my theme song.
I'm probably just going to go back to drawing, now. I should be writing my Communication essay, but I just got an urge to draw, today, and I while I've got it, I'm not going to fight it.

Bye.

Nibbler - pt.1

Heyguesswhat!
Did you know that I'm living with Suni and Damiano?
It's true!
'Know who else I live with?
Nibbler!
Nibbler has been very gracious, allowing me to stay at his house.
He knows this.

This morning I was reading the news before my shower when...

Uhmm...

So, I'm thinking that, at about 2pm, I might go and sit under my regular tree out the front of Montezuma's with a coffee and do some study today.
I couldn't imagine I would mind any interruptions.

Another useless sales person

I wish to apologise for anyone who came into my work today.
Helen would've been better off rostering on a cardboard cut out for the morning.
My body was there... but that was about it.
Dividing up the monthly budget usually takes about ten minutes. Today it took three quarters of an hour, plus a calculator, plus a bottle of white out.
And that wasn't all:

• I Put my badge on upside down.

• I went into the store room to get an item of clothing, forgot why I was there and had to walk back to check the computer... not just once, but four times

• Tripped over my own foot (Not that this is unusual for me, it just added to my day)

• I called the Albury store, but forgot why I had called them, so made up some bullshit question that I already knew the answer to.

• Forgot the combination to the store room (A combination that I use every day).

• Shut my finger in the register

I dare say that I did a few more stupid things than that, but was just too off with the fairies to notice.

Probably a good thing that I have tomorrow off.

Totally awesome news time!

Congratulations to Suni and Damiano on their engagement!!