You may have read this one on my facebook. If not:
In 2009, David and I travelled to Canberra for my youngest brother, Moose's confirmation.
He had chosen me as his confirmation sponsor.
While I was honored, I couldn't understand why, I'm not very in touch with Catholicism.
Moose explained to me that none of the people he had wanted were baptized, and Kane, the eldest of our brothers, was already a sponsor to our brother Bradd.
So this just left me.
How touching.
Sunday morning the family all gathered at Moose's primary school church.
I had been having trouble packing before we left, and just grabbed the first clean dress I could find. Once dressed for church, I realised that the dress I had picked up would have to be the most cleavage revealing dress I own.
Seated in the church and my brother, Kane arrives.
Rather than congratulating Moose on his confirmation, his first action was to give me a thumbs up and the nod for "Gett'n'em out for Jesus!"
The service became more and more ridiculous as time went on. We were told before hand by our step mother, that my family had dubbed the parish priest "Father Lizard" and as he reached the altar it was very apparent the reason why.
While the Bishop opened the mass, Father Lizard stood to the side, looking over the room with his mouth agape and tongue flicking in and out, licking his bottom lip.
Kane, sitting two seats away had his head in his hands, giggling uncontrollably and, after regaining some sort of composure, muttered under his breath "get that man some Chapstick!" which set the rest of our pew and a few from the pew in front into a very hard to control fit of snorts and laughter.
After singing the hymns with great zeal and a few more "licking priest" jokes, it came time for Moose and I to move up to the alter for Moose's face slap from the Bishop. Kane sends message up the pew that if Moose dodges the slap he'll give him "five bucks!". Moose nods. Kane then sends message that if Moose takes the Bishop's hat, he'll give him a "Tenna!" Moose sends back the reply "Make it twenty." Kane nods.
Moose and I finally made our way up to the altar. The Bishop said his spiel and moved to place his hand on Moose's face - but missed! Moose had just earned himself five dollars. The Bishop placed his hand under Moose's chin instead.
Then there was silence.
The priest and the Bishop looked at Moose for some sort of reply. Moose just starred back at them. "Say Amen!" I whispered into his ear once the awkwardness started to really set in. "Huh?" Moose replied, which was apparently enough, he had been confirmed and we were sent back to our pew.
Not long after this, the service was over and we all bundled outside for a cigarette. My step mum, Debbie had a good laugh about how my cleavage almost gave the Bishop a heart attack. Kane claimed that Father Lizard's eyes widened and his tongue flicking accelerated. I was skeptical.
While standing around chatting, a woman approached us, smiling and commented on how great it was to see Jack (Moose) after such a long time. She was his old kindergarten teacher. She then turned to my father and told him about how she will never forget the time that Jack threatened to have my father come to the school and "Kill her with his gun!".
I don't think she was overly impressed at how hilarious we all thought that was.
The snacks and beverages room was packed full of newly confirmed catholics and their families filling their plates. I was able to snap up a tuna tartlet while David trampled a group of small children to get into the chocolate muffins. The place was chaos so we decided on Yum Cha for lunch.
Not long after all of this, we headed back home. Enough Canberra for one weekend.
The end
In 2009, David and I travelled to Canberra for my youngest brother, Moose's confirmation.
He had chosen me as his confirmation sponsor.
While I was honored, I couldn't understand why, I'm not very in touch with Catholicism.
Moose explained to me that none of the people he had wanted were baptized, and Kane, the eldest of our brothers, was already a sponsor to our brother Bradd.
So this just left me.
How touching.
Sunday morning the family all gathered at Moose's primary school church.
I had been having trouble packing before we left, and just grabbed the first clean dress I could find. Once dressed for church, I realised that the dress I had picked up would have to be the most cleavage revealing dress I own.
Seated in the church and my brother, Kane arrives.
Rather than congratulating Moose on his confirmation, his first action was to give me a thumbs up and the nod for "Gett'n'em out for Jesus!"
The service became more and more ridiculous as time went on. We were told before hand by our step mother, that my family had dubbed the parish priest "Father Lizard" and as he reached the altar it was very apparent the reason why.
While the Bishop opened the mass, Father Lizard stood to the side, looking over the room with his mouth agape and tongue flicking in and out, licking his bottom lip.
Kane, sitting two seats away had his head in his hands, giggling uncontrollably and, after regaining some sort of composure, muttered under his breath "get that man some Chapstick!" which set the rest of our pew and a few from the pew in front into a very hard to control fit of snorts and laughter.
After singing the hymns with great zeal and a few more "licking priest" jokes, it came time for Moose and I to move up to the alter for Moose's face slap from the Bishop. Kane sends message up the pew that if Moose dodges the slap he'll give him "five bucks!". Moose nods. Kane then sends message that if Moose takes the Bishop's hat, he'll give him a "Tenna!" Moose sends back the reply "Make it twenty." Kane nods.
Moose and I finally made our way up to the altar. The Bishop said his spiel and moved to place his hand on Moose's face - but missed! Moose had just earned himself five dollars. The Bishop placed his hand under Moose's chin instead.
Then there was silence.
The priest and the Bishop looked at Moose for some sort of reply. Moose just starred back at them. "Say Amen!" I whispered into his ear once the awkwardness started to really set in. "Huh?" Moose replied, which was apparently enough, he had been confirmed and we were sent back to our pew.
Not long after this, the service was over and we all bundled outside for a cigarette. My step mum, Debbie had a good laugh about how my cleavage almost gave the Bishop a heart attack. Kane claimed that Father Lizard's eyes widened and his tongue flicking accelerated. I was skeptical.
While standing around chatting, a woman approached us, smiling and commented on how great it was to see Jack (Moose) after such a long time. She was his old kindergarten teacher. She then turned to my father and told him about how she will never forget the time that Jack threatened to have my father come to the school and "Kill her with his gun!".
I don't think she was overly impressed at how hilarious we all thought that was.
The snacks and beverages room was packed full of newly confirmed catholics and their families filling their plates. I was able to snap up a tuna tartlet while David trampled a group of small children to get into the chocolate muffins. The place was chaos so we decided on Yum Cha for lunch.
Not long after all of this, we headed back home. Enough Canberra for one weekend.
The end
